Hmmm...

Since my children were born I've always been a stay at home Mom. Once in a while a friend or someone referred by a friend would ask my help on a decorating problem and I would help. I had thrown away my business cards, my office was no longer workable, I didn't carry my design bag with me anymore. Lilly came along and taxed me just a little too much in the parenting department and I started seeking out decorating jobs just to keep me a little closer to sanity....( I don't know that I've ever been "sane".) Having that creative outlet is so necessary! (I know many of you can relate as I have the most creative and talented friends!) Since I ratcheted things up in the job department I have been running around a lot more lately. I have yet to need a babysitter for Lil. She comes with me on shopping trips and even to some of the homes. If I need to get more serious I schedule the job on a Friday and Alan stays home with Lil. It has been working. I am a little frazzled and desperately need to get more organized to juggle it all. BUT, that being said, it has been working and helping me fill a personal need to be creative and help others AND still be full-time wife and mom.

This week someone asked me why I was doing this and, to quote her, "I thought you were a stay at home Mom. That is too bad for your kids. I'm happy I can stay home with them. I just have to go without the more selfish things because they need me right now. But whatever makes you happy."

Funny thing is...five years ago, if someone had said this to me, I would have been defensive and immediately start justifying my life decision. When these words were said to me 3 days ago, I didn't feel at all defensive. I was surprised that it didn't hit me that way. Instead I felt this person was really saying more about herself than about me. And maybe you agree with her instead of me. That's OK. I'm OK with that. In fact, I love that we have different perspectives, experiences, layers, etc... That we are working it out within ourselves. I love getting input from my friends. I appreciate honest answers when they are constructive and make me think. In truth, the person that said this to me is not a friend of mine. More an acquaintance. She chooses to do some things that I don't personally think are cool. That could have made it easier to hear her criticism cuz I just don't care what she thinks as much as I might if a closer friend had said something.

I know it's cliche, but as I've aged it fascinates me to look back and see my inner progress. I appreciate so much more the gray areas of life and I know so much more how I feel about this world. My opinions on some things have become more solid and when it comes to other things I have softened, changed my views. I like that we can get more comfortable with ourselves and what we believe. It's an upside to aging that wrinkles just don't give!