I've been struggling lately with being a patient, understanding, loving, sweet Mommy. I want to be those things but apparently I don't want to be badly enough! Lilly, though getting easier in a lot of ways, continues to add new ways she is difficult. Her new thing is throwing. Examples: She threw a handful of rocks from our yard...after opening the door to our dining room and aiming the handful over Grandma Barbara's shoulder. The rocks scattered loudly on the tile floor while we were quietly sitting, finishing Sunday dinner. Another recent incident was at dinner with friends. She tossed some bread in Daddy's marinara sauce, succeeding in covering his shirt in big red spots. We were out, at a restaurant. Another time she threw a phone at Grandma Sally's head. That was after trying to rip Grandma's earring clean out of her ear.
It's not just Lil that has got me flummoxed. Max has learned to push Lilly's buttons. In fact, Lilly will say "Stop pushing my buttons Max!" I do feel for Max. He's put up with her misbehavior for a long time and we've expected him to take the higher road since he's 5 years older than the little criminal. Max is fed up with having to be more mature and he's letting us know it through his behavior now.
All in all, though, I think I am the worst behaving of all. I get too short with them, especially Max. I expect more than they truly are capable of. I need to take a chill pill. Enjoy them more. Worry about stuff less. Easier said than done. Much easier. Do all Mom's deal with this "STUFF" on a moment by moment basis? I feel like I am always in a self-assess mode...which probably keeps my brow a little more furrowed than it needs. This "perfection" really takes all your life, huh? I'm too impatient. I want to be perfect NOW!
7 comments:
I am right there with ya! I really struggle with my "sweet" Ethan. I love him to death, but man he is really hard. I am constantly saying that I need to figure out what I can do to make things better, but seem to fail at it every day. If you figure something out, let me know.(:
vanilla is a great choice. though i am a fan of all things chocolate annnd their coconut one. i appreciate your sacrifice. what a great friend you are! haha
Wendy,
I feel your pain and absolutely relate. Even though we need to be constantly trying to improve, I feel like it is hard to change some personality traits that we are born with. I will never stop trying but I am the person I am...
I would love to be always calm and not care about things that I care about, but that wouldn't make me the person I am.
I am so there with you! Yesterday was one of those days like that for me and I was just so short with my kids! At the end of the day I lay in bed and feel guilty! Tomorrow's another day right?
As a bishop, mothers would confess to me that they had yelled at their kids. I wanted to look appalled and exclaim "Wow, you are the only mother that I have ever known to do that!" But that would have have been inappropriate and a lie. In truth, mothers have to yell just to get the childs attention. It's not fair that kids are less afraid of their mothers than their fathers.
They know that you love them
Kevin
I am with you! I could have written that exact post myself!! Everyday I keep telling myself..."I'm supposed to be enjoying this, I'm supposed to be enjoying this...." And most days I do but sometimes when I've hit rock bottom I need to stop and wonder first: am I tired or hungry? Do I need to just get out of the house and do something fun? Last night I hit a major rock bottom, so we put the kids to bed and went out for dinner and shakes. You know after a nice Arctic Circle chocolate chip cookie dough shake, everything seems a bit better :)
I'm the same. Luckily Bri Fri is really good at quietly giving me little reminders to chill or "talk a little nicer." It helps and, when I'm not too prideful, I listen to him. The sad part about my annoyances is that Tilly is a really good kid. I have no reason to ever get that upset at her. Can you imagine if my behavior was merited? I'd be a monster.
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