School Girl

Lilly started "school" yesterday. After much thought and deliberation we decided she would do well with a more structured environment for a few hours a week. That also gives me a break from Miss Lilly. I am really torn about this decision. She is so young still and I enjoy being a stay-at-home Mom. But, she requires constant supervision, throws many a tantrum on errands, etc... That leaves me getting very little done and ending each day with a major head-ache. So, Miss Susan, Max's former teacher, said she would be delighted to have Lilly in her class. Susan has taken 2 year olds before, but as a rule she likes 3 and up. Susan virtually talked me into letting her take Lilly. It is on a trial basis, sorta, as I am still conflicted. BUT...(can you tell I am conflicted--sheesh!) Lilly was so excited about going to school! She talked about it for weeks. She memorized her teacher's name. We role played, over and over, what she would do if some other kid "got in Lilly's space" (Lilly pushes if you are in her space) or took a toy from her. Yesterday morning, Lilly was anxious to go! She wanted to get in the car and GO! She goes at 12:30 so until then we played, she helped Mommy. We painted her fingernails and put on a comfy outfit for running, painting, etc... And then she looked at me and said, with a worried look, "Mommy? I don't want to go to school, I think." I picked her up and told her that was normal and that if she really didn't like school then she wouldn't have to go. She said, "I'll try school." When we got there I put her up against the fence to take her picture. "OK, smile!" "Like this?" she said, and then proceeded to make a frown. Then she would giggle at her joke. She walked right in to school and, upon meeting Miss Susan, walked right up to her and gave her a hug. Then she started playing and never looked back.
When I picked her up, I was first in the van line. That was a mistake. She saw my van and ran to get in. Miss Susan gently steered her back to the "blue square" where they stand to wait for Miss Susan to pop them into their car. I watched as Lilly's little lip started to quiver at being stopped from coming to Mommy. Her hands slowly made their way up to her face and she cupped her hands over little tears. It was sad but I was grateful that she didn't do her usual "NO!" and then do what she wanted to do anyway. She respects Miss Susan's authority. That was gratifying. As, we drove away, tears completely gone, I asked, cheerfully, "So, what did you do at school?" "Um...we played on the playground. We ate. I played with playdough." Then she got quiet and looked like she was thinking of something. A long pause. "I killed someone." She looked at me with worried eyes. I couldn't help but giggle. "Oh, Lilly..." I said. "You are so funny!" She was immediately confused and indignant at my flippancy. "I KILLED a kid!" she said emphatically! I wasn't able to get out of her what she thought "killed" meant. It was hilarious and the highlight of my day. It still makes me belly laugh to think of her confessing to the death of a classmate at her own little hands. I haven't gotten a call from the school, though. I'm pretty sure that didn't happen. Pretty sure.