My dear, sweet, beloved girl has been a trial this week. I know, I know. You are sick of hearing me complain about her. Especially when you see her in Primary and she behaves like an angel. This child was sent to teach me something. The obvious one is patience. I can't adequately explain just how difficult she can be. My body, brain, and gut are tired. I have to be cued in, totally awake and aware, to what she is doing at all times. It's draining. She has started hitting and kicking strangers. Nice people that haven't even looked us in the eyeballs...she wants to hurt them. I don't think she is a psychopath (though that behavior makes me wonder.) I have seen true empathy from her. She can be sweet and loving and kind. She just has this over-riding need to ignore rules, guidelines, people. Even loving information that could only serve to protect her, she chooses to close her ears. I've shed a few tears this week. She usually just laughs, gleefully, when she sees me do that. At one point she looked deep in thought. I had hopes that she was thinking about what she had done. "What are you thinking about, Lilly?" "I'm thinking about saying 'I'm sorry' to you....no, I'm not going to."
I cling to those moments when she makes a good choice of her own free will. I praise her and hug her and smile. She likes that. Sadly, it doesn't mean her behavior will be good in the next 30 seconds. I'm worn, frayed, from being at the ready, all the time.
There was one moment of laughter with her this week (really, there were a number of moments with laughter.) She spent a good portion of the day on Wednesday saying, "Three. Two. One! Happy fart, hiccup, and burp day!!!" She'd yell at the top of her lungs, happily. It made me laugh. That's Lilly for you.
You learn to take the 'good'...whatever form it comes in.
11 comments:
I LOVE YOU!!!
I wish I could give you a hug. I'm sorry!
Amy, I truly know what you mean, and love you for your patience. You're right, there is something to learn~ I'm still learning to this day~ Hugs and Kisses to you!!
I totally need to talk to you! A few months ago, we finally talked to a psychatrist(that is totally spelled wrong) about Ethan. I would seriously cry every day! I was worn out and I didn't know what to do. The psychatrist told me exactly what to do and Ethan is a totally different child. It is amazing! He still can be challenging sometimes, but I'm not crying every day, so it totally worked for us. Call me if you want to talk about it. 798-0968
We are in the same boat with Ethan. He is good with everyone but us, and we have NO patience. If you learn any tricks, please tell me! I'm sorry you are dealing with this too!!
Sending love your way! :)
Oh Lil. She seems like such a tough little thing. I wish you could send her over to play with Lexi so I could give you a break. Hang in there.
Sorry Wendy. I have thought to ask if you have seen a behavior specialist or therapist for her. Then I thought maybe it's just the age. Kids that age can be difficult, but having some tools specific to Lily might help you with those behaviors.
My oldest is our "spirited" child. That's the best way to describe it. "MORE" more of everything.....more spunky, more sad, more excited, etc.
She's an angel at church and school. Don't know if this will help, but I got a book called "Raising your Spirited Child" and it has really helped me understand her better....just a thought. hang in there!
Sarah was a difficult child too. Sometimes she is a difficult adult (read 18 year old). It was really hard getting her to this point but the good times are getting more frequent and I am so grateful for her now. You'll make it through - there is light at the end of the tunnel, unfortunately it runs through the teenage years first. I can honestly say that I was the most difficult child of the 7 that my mother had and I now have the closest relationship with her of any of my sibs as an adult. Your perseverance will be rewarded - in a couple of decades.
Wendy,
I can totally relate to everything you are saying. I know you are doing a great job with her. How is Max? Do you have any other children? Love, Ruth
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